Getting back on medication has been more difficult than I expected. I don't know what's going on exactly, but Friday my blood sugar soared higher than it has ever been and stayed up there through Sunday.
Sunday was my worst day, actually. And I went to church like that. Problem was, the high blood sugar was tearing me apart; I felt as if I was having a day-long panic attack. The result was an unreasonable, unreasoned anger.
I sat silently through Bible class, seething. The teacher was going through Revelation and dismantling everything I had taught this same class a couple of years ago. All that hard work! Then the singing--good grief were we listening to anything we were singing. This was all by rote! We might as well have been reciting Latin. And the preaching! Was there any gospel here? Hey, I know the hidden agenda! We're right; you're wrong. Convert to us!
But you see, the problem wasn't with the teacher, the song leader, the congregation, or the preacher. The problem was with me. I was, for physical reasons, predisposed to take offense at absolutely everything.
I think I broke through a little later in the day when I found myself in the middle of some people who were enjoying themselves too much for me to remain grumpy in their midst. As to my predisposition...problem is, I don't think this is the first time I've been like this. And I don't think I've always had an excuse.
Sunday was my worst day, actually. And I went to church like that. Problem was, the high blood sugar was tearing me apart; I felt as if I was having a day-long panic attack. The result was an unreasonable, unreasoned anger.
I sat silently through Bible class, seething. The teacher was going through Revelation and dismantling everything I had taught this same class a couple of years ago. All that hard work! Then the singing--good grief were we listening to anything we were singing. This was all by rote! We might as well have been reciting Latin. And the preaching! Was there any gospel here? Hey, I know the hidden agenda! We're right; you're wrong. Convert to us!
But you see, the problem wasn't with the teacher, the song leader, the congregation, or the preacher. The problem was with me. I was, for physical reasons, predisposed to take offense at absolutely everything.
I think I broke through a little later in the day when I found myself in the middle of some people who were enjoying themselves too much for me to remain grumpy in their midst. As to my predisposition...problem is, I don't think this is the first time I've been like this. And I don't think I've always had an excuse.
2 comments:
Marc,
I've enjoyed reading your blogs. You seem to have a gift for writing.
I know what you mean about being predisposed toward taking offense at everything. Much of the time we fight against that tendency--and win--but not always.
I was wondering if you ever figured out why your blood sugar suddenly skyrocketed. Do you take an oral medication? My mother has had issues with several different oral meds she's tried for her diabetes. I haven't been diagnosed, but the last time my blood sugar was tested, it was a little high. So I'm trying to watch it now and hopefully avoid being forced to make extreme changes under a doctor's orders. I hope that yours is under control now.
Thanks for the thought-provoking blogs. This is my first time to comment on one. Blessings!
Thanks. Things are getting better. I'm taking a couple of different oral medications right now, and I finally seem to be adjusting.
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